I Know How I’ll Recognize The One

I’m about to get sentimental. All men who are not interested in talking about their feelings or women who don’t want to listen to another woman whine should leave now.

You’re still here? Well thank you!

I’m not really going to whine about my (lack of) a love life, but I am going to draw connections between my writing and my personal life.

I don’t like to open up to people. In person that is. Blogging is a little different because other than hopefully meeting up with Barb, Lua and a few others whilst in the UK, I may or may not ever see any of you in person. And, for the most part, if you’re reading the writing blog, you’re a like-minded soul and feel the same way as I do about a good many things that I post.

But I only told my mom about this page a few weeks ago.

Yea. I know.

Mom and I before we headed to a Yankee game

Why do I keep writing to myself? Why am I not very bold about it? Why am I THE SAME EXACT WAY WITH MEN!?!?!?! Well, it’s just too darn close to me. Telling people about my writing is pretty much the same thing as bearing the innermost portion of myself for the world to see. And what if the world does not approve? Worse, what if my friends don’t approve? What if my mom doesn’t like it?!?!? (I can tell when she really likes things I write or if she’s just saying she does because she’s my mom.)

It’s the same with dating. You have to let the other interested party into a part of yourself you don’t normally show others in order to see if you really work together. And that is bloody terrifying.

A while back I was sitting at my desk at work when one of the other interns walked by. At the time I happened to be working on Wounded Soldier.

“Whatchya doin’?” he asked leaning over my desk, eyes hungry for a sneak peak at something he knew she should not see. The forbidden fruit takes many forms.

I slammed the notebook shut, the sound echoing off the walls, undoubtedly making all the other workers in cubicles down the hall jump. “NOTHING!” I said far to hastily and far too loudly. “I’m not doing anything!”

“Looks like you’re writing something.” The fox doesn’t give up that easily.

“Yeah. Um … just journaling.”

Now what would be so wrong with saying, “Just working on a story I’m writing?”

Well … that would mean … exposing myself. That would mean letting him into a place where my own mother barely has admittance. Only a few, and I do mean a very few, friends have had the honor of reading my material from beginning to end. Snippets here and there is one thing, excerpts on the blog is ok, and I started Ensnared with the intention of posting it on Serial Central so I couldn’t just chicken out and let the rest of the lovely ladies down! But to really let someone in? To tell them all about the stories that so enchant me and occupy every moment of my thoughts? To let him into such a personal space?

Dear God. Please give me any other option!

What’s the point of this post, Miss Rosemary, you ask? You’re all over the place today. Give me a break, it’s two thirty in the morning. But the point is, I have had a revelation which has enlightened me. It opened my eyes for the very first time. Whereas before I had no idea how I would find The Right Man and often fretted over living alone for the rest of my life like Jane Austen, I know now how I will be certain I have found The One, whenever he decides to enter my life stage left.

The One will be the man with whom I have no qualms sharing any of my writing.

He’d better be a bookworm.

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About Miss Rosemary

is a recent college graduate from NY hoping to complete her novel of ten years. Stop by her blog, Miss Rosemary's Novel Ideas at http://missrosemary.net or contact her at MissRosemarysNovelIdeas@gmail.com with comments, questions and suggestions. She'd love to hear from you! View all posts by Miss Rosemary

36 responses to “I Know How I’ll Recognize The One

  • jannatwrites

    Guess what? My family doesn’t know I wrote a novel, keep a blog or am taking a writing class. The only reason my husband knows is because he thought I had a boyfriend or something! A few friends know I write, two of them beta read for me. If anyone else asks what I write or what the story is about, all I’ve got is: “It’s uh, well, I, um. Let’s see. I don’t think it’s something you’d like.” Lame, right?

    Opening up is hard, but we’ll get there someday! Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Miss Rosemary

      That’s hysterical about your husband!

      I think the only reason my mom knows I write is b/c I’ve been doing it since I was so young and moms just know things about their kids. Otherwise … The rest of the fam has no clue.

  • Rowenna

    Fabulous post–it resonates with me on so many levels. I’ve confided in perhaps four people–four people out of the dozens of people I consider myself close to–that I write. I even have a friend who writes–and I know she writes because she’s told me–and I didn’t even tell her (oh, that’s terrible writer-openness Karma, I’m sure of it).

    My husband knows I write but…and this is perhaps terrible to admit…he’s never read any of it. He’s not a writer or much of a literature person–numbers, not words, are his friends. I’m afraid he wouldn’t get it, and that would make me sad and he’d hate to tell me, so we haven’t pressed to that point. But the two of us are like a pair of mismatched peas in a pod otherwise–him with a calculator, me with a thesaurus.

  • junebugger

    Beautiful entry! And so true. The guy I want to marry has to be someone whom I can share my story and brainstorm with. This is what I realized through my sister. We were never really close until I let her read my work. She would share her critiques with me, and I would discuss with her what needs to be improved. Her genuine interest in my work make our time together so fun! Some might say that talking abt my story isn’t a “genuine” conversatiobn–but it is to both of us. Writing is one of the most important aspect of my life, and to her, being able to contribute to my novel is important to her.

    So if I’m to marry someone, it has to be someone whose eyes will light up each time we talk about my book. Not because it’s great (yah, my writing is not the best in the world), but because he really really wants to contribute in some way

    • Miss Rosemary

      Oh that’s wonderful about you and your sister! Don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s not a real conversation b/c it is … It’s something that obviously means a lot to both of you. I know exactly how you feel b/c my sister and I weren’t that close for a while and are only now getting to be beter friends.

  • theliterarylollipop

    Oh, I feel your pain. I’ve been going out on several dates (no second dates) lately and nothing has been all that spectacular. Ugh, just a handful of “nice” men with no “connection”. I haven’t been able to find the one yet, but I’m confident that when I do, I’ll know it. Just like you; it’s an instinctual thing, I guess.

    I don’t have any problems talking to men about my writing; however, it’s a major turn off when their eyes glaze over or if they change the subject to their work.

    Happy writing!

  • Bethany

    I don’t know why everyone in my life knows I’m a writer. I feel like someone else is telling people because sometimes I’m surprised by it.

    But The One definitely made himself evident by many convincing signs ๐Ÿ˜‰ – one of which was him introducing me as a writer when he spoke of me to anyone. This had to be before he’d ever read anything of mine. On the whole, he just never felt like a stranger. Now of course he reads so many versions of things that he can’t be a very good reader – too much knowledge of what’s in my head to be unbiased about what ends up on the paper. (TMI, I know. Why do you let me get carried away, Rosemary!)

  • Brown Eyed Mystic

    Though I am already with “the One” I still feel obliged to comment because apart from him, no one knows where my blog is. In a way, I like to keep it that way–it gives off a sensation of being able to have control over MY stuff w/o any interference. And even “the One” doesn’t really have the link to my blog; he’d happened to hover over me once and discovered I was writing something in what looked like a blog. He casually asked and shrugged and went away. LOL. And I like it that way! So much better, he understand me in unsaid words!

    But I just met him a while back. Before him? Don’t ask. I had an intense emotional affair with an ex-classmate and it was long-distance. Things were sooo intense, at the same time they seemed sooo superficial too. At times I felt I was getting sucked up in a black-hole of fiction, creating the “love-story” all in my mind!

    So, yes. It takes time. But you do meet the one, all you need to have is a wink from the Universe that your order is processed!

    Love,
    BrownEyed

  • Agatha82

    I wrote my novel for 2 years and never told anyone at work but I told my friends, however, only my closest best friend got to read snippets from the start and I shared my views with her but other than that, nobody else.

    Yes, the one better like reading, but he also better like music, actually, for me, the perfect one would be a musician ๐Ÿ˜‰

    If you, Lua and Barb (keep meaning to check out her blog) ever happen to come up to check out Highgate (where Highgate Cemetery is)let me know, that’s where I live (er…Highgate NOT Highgate Cemetery ha ha ha) I’d show you around here, there’s a lot of literary history. That’s it of course if you don’t mind hanging out with someone who’s probably you mum’s age (your mum is lovely by the way, you’ve got her beautiful smile)

    • Miss Rosemary

      Well I’m off to look up Highgate … ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Agatha82

        Should’ve mentioned it’s in North London. About a 20-30 min tube ride from Central London (depending on how rubbish the Northern Line is running) We have our own vampire, he is said to live in the Cemetery. I’ve never met him, and I hope I don’t, he’s meant to be a SCARY vamp not a sexy one ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Miss Rosemary

        Oooo your own vamp! I’ll be sure to head up there if I can, if there’s no Tube strike or line closures. I’d love to meet up with you (and the sexy vamp teehee ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  • Hema P.

    There you go, Rosemary! I love posts that end on a revelation! ๐Ÿ™‚ And most of us feel that way about exposing our writing selves to the general public — I’ve heard others express similar fears.

  • coffeepearlsgrace

    Excellent post! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. Do you know that I just recently revealed my blog with my closest (and I mean very closest) friends?!? And I hardly EVER talk about my writing outside that small circle of people, who have only recently actually been allowed to read some snippets of my writing. I think you’ve really touched on something here, and I’m going to give it some further thought. Thanks for sharing this; it really helped me!

  • brownpaperbaggirl

    He better be a bookworm! Haha.

    Opening up is terrifying. It makes one feel vulnerable. But when the right man comes along, things will just happen.

  • Slamdunk

    Excellent post. I think that special guy may have writings to share as well.

  • krisceratops

    Good qualifier! I told myself the same thing and ended up… dating guys only after they knew me as a writer (through classes, etc). But that turned out to be weird in a different way. Then I met an actor, and early in our relationship I told him about my plan to write a novel. To my immense relief, he seemed as excited about it as I was and has been very supportive ever since. That being said, I am still quite protective of my writing and have shared only very little of it with him. I think it’s all a matter of how comfortable you are together.

    Don’t despair, he’s out there somewhere! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Sharmon Gazaway

    Oh, I thought this post was so interesting! And all the comments and points of view. I met my The One many, many moons ago and we’re as opposite as two people can possibly be–he’s a do-er, always on the move, math-oriented, and never reads anything but his Bible and Bible lit, and the occasional newspaper. If he sits for more than 10 mins. he falls asleep. BUT…he is supportive of my writing, even if he doesn’t really get it (all that thinking, and words and sitting…)and is very proud talk to others about my writing and my goals (sometimes to my complete embarrassment)even if he never reads any of my novels. Once he started reading a short I was very proud of and fell asleep on top of it by page 2. I threatened never to let him read another word. I relented and let him read an allegorical futuristic short w/ a male lead–he was transfixed (it was a long short, 5000 wds) and still brags about it to this day. Imagine me glowing like a 100 watt bulb :-).
    so I guess I’m saying don’t toss those non-lit guys back too fast, girls! They can be tremendous partners in life for a writer. And I’m so private, and like having a “secret” life, that I’m not entirely sure I’d want to share all my writing angst, etc. w/ my spouse. Takes all kinds, right?

  • Sangu

    I didn’t think this was remotely whiny! In fact, it was so open and charming that I’m glad I completely ignored your warning at the start ๐Ÿ™‚

    My close friends, family and fiance know about my blog and my writing, mostly because I’ve been writing ever since I can remember. At my high school graduation, everyone said I would have ten books published in ten years. Ha! Still, it goes to show how much a part of my life writing is.

    My fiance is an avid reader, like me, and he writes a bit now and then, which means he understands what I do and doesn’t sulk when I ignore him for hours while immersed in a story ๐Ÿ™‚ That makes him pretty special to me!

    • Miss Rosemary

      He sure sounds special! And that’s great about what your high school mates said about you. You know it doesn’t have to be the ten years immediately after graduation, it could be the ten years to come … ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Cities of the Mind

    Your writing cracks me up sometimes. By sometimes I mean, only when you’re intentionally being funny. And I understand about sharing writing; I mean, there’s this handful of people you know well enough to really trust their opinion and what if they read your stuff and don’t. like. it.?!?! That’s End of the World stuff, right there, right?

    As to your romantic endeavors, while bookworms are awesome, I think you’re wasting time waiting for stage left OR stage right… if there’s such a thing as The One, he’ll probably be the disruptive bloke trying to rush the stage.

  • Emily and Her Little Pink Notes

    It took me a few months but now I am finally telling my friends that I have a blog and I don’t mind if they are regular lurkers … I think you’ll recognize true love when it comes, I know that it sounds corny but I’ve seen it happening so many times that I truly think it’s true (and maybe he won’t be interested in books :))

  • aloysa

    Writing is a very personal process and sharing it can be scary. My family knows about my blog but they don’t really read it. It doesn’t bother me at all. In fact I like it that way. My friends are clueless about my writing attempts, my blog or my life as a writer (I like how it sounds.) And I am absolutely content with it. ๐Ÿ™‚

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