As I was perusing your lovely pages, several thoughts came to mind. I will do my best to combine them into one or two coherent thoughts here.
I popped over to Judith’s page and found myself stunned that I had not yet purchased her book, The Thrall’s Tale. What? Why was that? The cover was beautiful, I’d been following her page for sometime, the story looked excellent and it was set in a time and place in which I myself am planning on setting a novel. Wow. What a miss on my part. Naturally I headed right over to Amazon and hit “PURCHASE NOW AND HURRY UP ABOUT IT! SEND IT TO ME ASAP! GO, GO, GO!”
Yes, I know there is no such button on Amazon, but that is the sort of feeling I get when the urge to buy a book overpowers me.
After I wiped the sweat from my brow and breathed a heavy sigh of relief at having rectified the atrocity, I sat back and thought, “Miss Rosemary, you need to get published. Move your behind and get on that!”
Which turned my attention to Wounded Soldier and how decidedly NOT FINISHED it is. (Side note, I updated the chatper a little as per suggestions of June H. It’s is now shorter and can be read here.) I have worked out a reason as to why Candace should spurn Derek in the beginning and it’s a great reason … but it might be too intense for the rest of the novel. Aka, if I add it, the work as a whole needs SO MUCH MORE THAN I PLANNED! Damn it, I wanted to start querying before I jet off to London.
But, if I query prematurely, then I’ll just get rejected or (unlikely) publish something that could be way better or, (more likely) just have to work it in later at the behest of the publisher but this time with deadlines and pressure. No, better to do it now no matter how impatient I am.
A few blogs later led to my
thought via Lua and a conversation with my mother. Lua’s most recent post talked about the pressures from family and friends to do something safe with your life. She even completed law school (you go girl!) before she realized how much it did not suit her and turned her attention to writing.
My mother’s conversation related to this because we were talking about what I would like to do with my life and graduate school and blah, blah, blah, excuse me Mom I have writing to do. I told her I want to get my MFA in creative writing and she said – “Well what are you going to do with that?” *See my interview from Thomas for my response if you have not yet here*
But really, who cares what I do with that MFA? I love it. If you love something enough, you’ll find some sort of employment withing that area. You’ll sniff it out like a bloodhound or it will just come to you. And you never know, while studying abroad I could meet a British lord, fall desperately in love, never have to work again and spend the rest of my days writing and singing in the family manor and not need employment. Stranger things have happened. My
musing came from the other half of Mom’s discussion. We got to talking about writing and the fact that I (technically) have completed WS. She asked to read it.
Inside my head alarm bells clamored and sirens wailed and warnings yelled and I screamed “NO, NO, NO! NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!!!!!!!”
I actually said, “S-sure it’s in th-that binder over there.”
This brought me full circle to my first thought with a slight modification. What made me think that I was ready to publish if I was loath to let my own mother read my novel? How could I unleash it to the harsh winds and storms of the general populace when I wasn’t even willing to show it to Mom?
The answer is twofold. One – the first time I showed Mom something I wrote I was 12 and she hated it. She didn’t say that of course but I could tell. She’s not a literary person and didn’t feel the pull of it (not that it probably had much literary merit being that I wrote it at 12 but still, you get the point). And two – it’s just not ready yet.
As frustrating as it is to admit, the manuscript is not complete. It is in great need of a great many additions and revisions before I can send it anywhere, even to my mother. Sigh. I may complain about this for a while and I apologize in advance because, the odds are it won’t get done any time soon. While I am dying to let it out, Candace and Derek aren’t filling my head now. Laura and Thomas are. And so divided loyalties plague me.
However will I proceed?
Well I won’t force anything, that’s for sure. If Laura and Thomas want to be written, then by God they will be written. Candace and Derek will let me know when it’s time for me to finish their story. Literary agents will always be out there whether I query next month or next year.
What about you? Do you ever get stuck with these dilemmas? Do certain characters bug you when you really want to be fleshing out different ones? Do you ever feel like querying when you really know you shouldn’t? Do you ever get nervous about others reading your work?