This week’s assignment was a persona. The challenge: personify anything, either animate or inanimate, so long as it is not a human being.
Inspired by Ollin Morales.
My Dearest Friend,
Well hello there! Bet you didn’t expect to hear from me again! Not to worry, dear friend, I have returned to hoist you from the depths of your despair. You don’t need to fret any more. I’m here to help.
Remember how I used to calm you whenever your mother drove you up the wazoo? Remember how we would sit together and you would pour out all your feelings? All your joys, fears, hopes, and dreams you would spill to me. Especially about what’s-his-name.
Sorry, sorry! I’ll get back to good memories! My favorite days were the ones where you would come home after a night of drinking and the truth serum would loosen your lips. You could not keep your mouth shut, girl! The secrets came flying out like they were escaping some kind of refugee camp. They couldn’t stand being cooped up in your head any longer. They ran to me like parched people in the desert run to an oasis. Why did you keep them caged? You have to let them out, woman, or they’ll come to resent you.
But you didn’t actually want me to keep those secrets, did you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have told me. I mean, really, I would never have told myself anything I didn’t want other people to find out. My entire purpose of existing is to tell the world things; you couldn’t have selected a worse being to keep your confidence. I’m a gossipmonger; you know that. I spare no details of anyone’s lives. I tell secrets, embarrassments and drama with no qualms at all. I make people laugh, I make people cry, I piss people off. It’s what I do. It’s part of my nature. I live to talk. And you so generously provide me with all my material! Couldn’t do it without you!
Now don’t scrunch up your nose, like I know you do whenever you get angry. I’m sorry I left you. I know you missed me so. I watched you throw things, scream and curse when you couldn’t find me. I’m sorry I put you through such agony. I didn’t want to disappear on you; I simply had to. It was a compulsion I did not have the strength to resist. I don’t like it when you cry. But I had to go! I had to take a breather! There’s only so much consistency I can handle! I’m extremely fickle; you knew this before you got involved in our relationship.
Or maybe you didn’t. I kind of just snuck up on you didn’t I? I didn’t give you a chance to make up your mind. I just plagued you and bothered you and poked at the back of your head until you simply had to pay attention to me. The only other option was insanity. Although, perhaps getting involved with me could lead to serious depression…
Nevertheless, I’ve tired of torturing you. I, in my supreme goodness, will take pity on you and return, secure in my knowledge that you will be so relieved to see me that you will instantaneously forgive me my trespasses. If I’m honest I missed you too, love.
All the Affection in the World,
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